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This is dedicated to all the “haters” out there. You know who you are, the ones who call Fifty Shades of Grey “mommy porn”, as if we invented the flogger. Sex has been around I don’t know….forever! And let’s all admit that sex sells. That’s why on Superbowl Sunday, I am subjected to watching endless commercials with Dorito-eating models, Danika Patrick and company selling GoDaddy.com ads practically naked and leaving the men for more by the end of the 30 second, million dollar stint. As I try to tell the people of Twitter, who come across the rudeness of others, “Don’t Hate, Appreciate”. I was tweeting last night and got into a conversation involving E L James herself. No, she didn’t tweet me but I was defending her. Someone had impersonated her and was posting downright rude and demeaning comments. Having faced this myself on Twitter, I understand how a complete and random stranger could cut you down and hit where it hurts. But what we all have to remember in this social media world, is that we are all different. Let’s embrace our differences, and celebrate the uniqueness that is only you. The fun banter on Twitter, Facebook, etc. is enjoyable and a great social platform to speak your mind about who should be cast in these movies, and so on. But let’s keep it friendly and if you don’t want to hear us talking about why William, Christian Bale, or Ian should be cast, then block. Click. Done. E L James, this is for you. You have started a phenomenon, and whether people want to admit it or not, it’s gotten people talking, reading, and having kinky sex! Nothing that you or I invented, but are having a great time doing! Thanks and Laters baby!
This post is meant as a loving and joking blog that addresses and defends our precious Fifty Shades. All in fun-all out of love. xo
Happy Tuesday readers! And thanks so much for all the great responses from my last post. It’s hard not to love the “polka dot afro” song, isn’t it? Well, it’s actually now 2 am and I’ve just got back to blogging. Crazy day, crazy tweeting with the pickle posse, and crazy kiddies!
So, my big thought of the day is “how different is our greysession, or any other healthy relationship with a book, different from fantasy sports leagues? Here’s why I am asking and hoping to learn. For those of you who are not blessed with a sports-obsessed husband, fantasy sports (let’s choose football), is a game where the participants pick their own team to manage and then go against another team. How your “fantasy” team does depends on how they “professionally” do in the “real” game we all see on TV. Awake? Barely? Well, let me tell you girlfriend – this is a year round thing and they also hold “drafts” which means yes, they all get together to draft their team. And this highly anticipated event can/does include weeks of research, lots of beer, a 1 or 2 night venture away, and oh, the stress of who they will draft and who should they keep from last years’ roster. Ok, moving on because I’m boring myself with this blog. I’m too tired to hold my finger on the delete button so I’m just going forwards. And quickly. I guess my point of discussion is that these fantasy sports (and it’s all sports ladies, the game that never ends), are a billion- dollar industry since the internet evolution. AND I’VE GOT FANTASY ISSUES??? Yes, that deserved shouties. It goes back to my saying from the last post, we are all different. Yep, I know that. But I’m just standing up for the sisters here. Because I’m getting a bit tired of the haters. Sure, these books are what’s trending now, and there’s definitely media overload, especially now with the casting for the movie now in works. But this sensationalized topic is no different then the “casting” for each new season of football. We have 24 hour sports stations women!! I know, because I get to turn it off ESPN every night, then pull the remote from Jim’s hands. And with football season upon us, my hubby will start researching players, thinking of who he will cut from last year’s team, and wait for it……the spreadsheets will surface. Oh, and the budget. Let’s not forget the budget. No, not my Target budget (that doesn’t exist actually), it’s the budget you allotted to purchase your team. See, each player is worth money and you have to buy your players wisely and within budget. Gee, I think I’ll forward this post to the Obama administration. Clearly the men of fantasy sports have missed their calling in life~ NFL commisioner and balancing the national budget. Now your thinking, “This shit is serious. It’s like a full-time job.” ummm yea, pretty much.
So if/when your husband or any other male hater starts givingn you the rolling of the eyes/”mommy porn”/obsessed and desperate- for- love/ Christian Grey doesn’t exist/, you can say this, “You know your fantasy football team isn’t real, right? Hence, the word “fantasy”. And you are not a real coach or owner of a team. You are playing make- believe, so stop stressing over who you will put in as quarterback this week. I love you honey, but you are playing glorified Dungeons & Dragons. Like from high school. Oh, and one last note- wearing that jersey that cost more than the flowers I get on our anniversary does not mean you actually play for the team. You are not even the honorary water boy. Now if you’ll excuse me, I think I hear Christian calling me.” Feel free to add lib in there, but really drive home the D & D comment. It really makes the whole statement, wouldn’t you agree? 😉
Now with that whole rant done, first let me say that it doesn’t truly bother me that my husband thinks he is Tom Coughlin. Sorry I’m a Giants fan, and no I don’t wear a jersey! Seriously, go crazy, embrace the freakdom as I always say. Just don’t look at me with your stressed face and then ask me what should you do about your defense this week. Because I can’t pretend to care in the slightest. We can all fake a few things ladies, (wink, wink) but not concern about your fairytale, I’m going to be winner winner, chicken dinner of the week. Just like they would rather watch paint dry then comfort us over the latest cast ranking of our personal Christian Grey. Oh but how fun would a casting Fifty Shades League be? Hmmm, something to think about. Crazy with a side of creativity has her wheels turning over here. And FYI, if anyone needs a little love, it’s me. And Kelly for that matter. Because our Christian Grey has about enough chance of being cast as I do for Ana. As you know, Christian Bale is our Christian Grey. I group Kelly in this because we are team Bale from the beginning to the bitter end. He is HOT, a most amazing actor-hello, did you see The Fighter? And don’t get me going on American Psycho (and those lovely ASSets to boot)- funniest lines in that movie but that’s a whole other blog, but have to mention “Don’t just stare at it, eat it.” ha! Practice what you preach, Mr. Hottie;) and he’s got just enough whack-a-doodle to play fifty’s dark side. Ok, I’ll end it there because the Bale pep rally consists of Kelly, myself, and a set of pom poms I stole from the kids.
So keep your head, heels, and standards high my greysessed sisters! Because the male species are just as into fantasy play as we are! If only they’d bring that team spirit into the bedroom, Christian-style. What? I don’t think ripped jeans, a silver tie, flogger, and calling me Ana in the Batman voice is too much. Do you? Maybe I could compromise and speak “football”. “Ok Christian, give me your balls, I mean the ball. Ready, set, hut”.
Lastly, I dedicate this post to Nora Ephron, amazing screenwriter, director, and woman who just passed away. This is for Nora, who gave us the most memorable scene on “faking it”.