Good evening GREYsessed readers! Big developments this week in the making of the Fifty Shades movie. BIG. HUGE. First, the Hollywood Reporter put out an article stating that the Chair of Universal would like to see the movie out around Summer 2014. Yes, get your freak flags out and ready to wave ladies! In addition to that lovely piece of news, Kelly Marcel and E L James got together this week. Both women tweeted about their get together and one can only speculate that it was to go over a certain screenplay. So, with all this buzz going on I would like to repost my PCA-Post Casting Agreement. And it can’t come at a better time. Nasty tweets are being thrown around right now as I type. Ladies, let’s remember that there can only be one Christian. And we all know Christian Bale is it! Stop rolling your eyes, I am kidding! But seriously, let’s not feed the haters by being catty about the casting. Let’s put that energy into being positive about the movie and what flavor ice cream we’ll be eating in the confines of our closet after casting!
Love & Laters©, Michele
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POST CASTING AGREEMENT
THIS AGREEMENT, made this day _______________of 2012 (“The Casting Date”)
BETWEEN
MR. CHRISTIAN GREY, aka-my Christian __________________ of 301 Escala, Seattle, WA 98889
YOUR NAME _______________________, GREYsessed and dedicated to the Christian Grey in my head. (“The Rejected Christian”)
THE PARTIES AGREE AS FOLLOWS
1. The following are the terms of a binding contract between the GREYsessed and the Rejected Christian.
FUNDAMENTAL TERMS
2. The fundamental purpose of this contract is to keep peace and harmony between all the GREYssessed fans, and to make sure their rejected Christian still receives the love and devotion before he was rejected from the movie.
3. This agreement will acknowledge that the feeling for the newly crowned Christian may not be consensual, loving, or liked by the GREYsessed fan by the signed party above.
4. This agreement warrants that there will be a day or two or a hundred of deep mourning, denial, and seclusion made by the above GREYsessed.
5. Everything in this contract must be read and interpreted in the light of the fundamental purpose.
ROLES
6. The GREYsessed shall take responsibility for the well-being and the proper love, devotion, and continued support for the Rejected Christian. He/she shall decide the nature of such love, devotion, and support and the time and place of its administration, subject to the agreed terms. The GREYsessed will also partake in supporting the newly cast Christian Grey. Details of this will be listed under the Hard and Soft Limits of this contract.
7. If at any time the GREYsesed should fail to keep to the agreed terms, and limitations set out in this contract the Rejected Christian is entitled to termination of the contract and to no longer be the object of affection by the GREYsessed.
8. The Rejected Christian is to appreciate and respect the newly cast Christian, and also accept the love and support from their GREYsessed.
david gandy
HARD LIMITS
Following the casting of Christian Grey, the GREYsessed may not partake in the following acts:
-NO THROWING OF YOUR PHONE UPON SEEING THE CASTING ON TWITTER, EMAIL, OR FACEBOOK
-NO RUNNING THRU THE STREETS YELLING “THE WORLD HAS COME TO AN END”
-NO THROWING YOURSELF ON THE FLOOR OF TARGET, IN TURN SCARING SMALL CHILDREN AND THE ELDERLY
-NO LOGGING ON TO GOOGLE TO FIND THE MOST EMBARASSING PICTURES OF THE NEWLY APPOINTED CHRISTIAN GREY, THEN TWEETING THEM TO MS JAMES.
-NO MAKING UP OF FAKE TWITTER NAMES OF THE NEWLY APPOINTED CHRISTIAN, THEN TWEETING, @E L James- forget it, I am taking a role in Smurfs 2. xo
-NO PICKETING OUTSIDE THE MOVIE THEATRE ON OPENING NIGHT WITH SIGNS THAT SAY “___________ WAS ROBBED, ROBBED I SAY”
-NO VISITING YOUR LOCAL PLACE OF PRAYER, AND ASKING FOR A MIRACLE THAT THE NEWLY CAST CHRISTIAN COME DOWN WITH A CASE OF FACE AND BACK ACNE THAT EVEN THE BEST MAKEUP ARTIST CAN COVER.
-NO PRAYING FOR THE NEW CHRISTIAN TO BE ALLERGIC TO LEATHER, VANILLA ICE CREAM, OR BOLLINGER WINE
-NO PRAYING THAT THE NEW CHRISTIAN IS AFRAID OF HEIGHTS, HATES SEATTLE, AND HAS A FEAR OF FLYING IN HELICOPTERS.
-THE WEARING OF ALL BLACK TO REPRESENT YOUR MOURNING IS ACCEPTABLE, BUT NOT FOR THE NEXT YEAR UNTIL THE MOVIE IS RELEASED.
-HANDCUFFING YOURSELF TO THE ESCALA IN PROTEST IS DEFINITELY UNACCEPTABLE.
-NO FORMATION OF ANY TWITITION TO GET THE ROLE REVERSED, DON’T HATE-APPRECIATE.
-NO PRAYING FOR ERECTILE DYSFUNCTION OR OTHER SEXUAL INADEQUACY THAT WOULD PROHIBIT THE NEW CHRISTIAN TO PERFORM, EVEN IF ITS NOT “REAL”.
-NO REFRAINING TO MOURNING OVER BEN & JERRY’S ICE CREAM IN BULK FROM COSTO. CHRISTIAN LIKES US TO EAT, BUT LET’S NOT GO FULL THROTTLE ON THAT NOTE.
-BITCH SLAPPING SOMEONE WHO COMES UP TO YOU ALL HAPPY AND GIDDY BECAUSE HER CHRISTIAN WAS CAST IS HIGHLY FROWNED UPON. DOING IT MENTALLY IN YOUR HEAD HOWEVER, IS ACCEPTABLE.
-NO CREATION OF FAKE CHRISTIAN DOLLS TO PERFORM VOODOO AND WICKED FUCKERY ACTS ON IS HIGHLY FROWNED UPON. THIS INCLUDES YOUR CHILDREN’S BARBIE DOLLS.
-NO ACTS INVOLVING FIREPLAY, INCLUDING SPARKLERS.
-E L JAMES DOES NOT WANT 1000 EMAILS EXPLAINING WHY YOUR CHRISTIAN IS THE RIGHT CHRISTIAN…BELIEVE ME, I TRIED. AND FAILED.
-THAT GOES FOR THE ELLEN SHOW TOO. AGAIN, CRASHED AND BURNED. SHE’S TOO BUSY ENTERTAINING SOPHIA GRACE.
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jessie
SOFT LIMITS:
-THE GEYSESSED MAY CONTINUE TO SUPPORT HER REJECTED CHRISTIAN BY KEEPING HER TWITTER NAME (AKA- BALE4FIFTY) ESPECIALLY SINCE IT WOULD BE A ROYAL PAIN IN THE ASS TO CHANGE.
-THE GREYSESSED SHALL KEEP THAT NAME AND AVI WITH PRIDE.
-THE GREYSESSED SHALL CONTINUE TO SHARE BORDERLINE PORNOGRAPHIC PICTURES OF HER REJECTED CHRISTIAN AND TWEET THEM TO HER TWITTERBESTIES
-THE GREYSESSED SHALL SHOW UP TO THE PREMIERE WITH FIFTY SHADES LOVE, AND NOT WHISPER THROUGHOUT THE MOVIE, “OH, MY CHRISTIAN WOULD’VE DONE A BETTER JOB PUTTING THE SILVER BALLS IN.”
-THE GREYSESSED SHALL CONTINUE TO HAVE FIFTY SHADES FANTASIES WITH HER REJECTED CHRISTIAN.
-THE GREYSESSED SHALL SHOWER HER REJECTED CHRISTIAN WITH TENDER LOVE, AND NEVER MAKE HIM FEEL BAD FOR LOSING THE COVETED ROLE OF A LIFETIME. (GEEZ ______, YOU SHOULD’VE WORKED HARDER ON YOUR “LATERS, BABY.” IT WASN’T UP TO CHRISTIAN GREY STATUS. AND WAY TOO MUCH TWITCHING WITH YOUR PALMS. YOU DIDN’T LITERALLY NEED TO BE TWITCHING LIKE YOU HAD A BAD CASE OF JAZZ HANDS.)
-THE GREYSESSED SHALL CONTINUE TESTING OUT ALL THINGS KINKY FUCKERY INCLUDING SPANKING, BITING, FLOGGING, AND THE SILVER BALLS.
-THE GREYSESSED SHALL DO HER BEST SMILE AND STOW HER TWITCHY PALMS WHEN ASKED HER OPINION OF THE NEWLY CAST CHRISTIAN. JAIL FOR HITTING A BITCH WOULD NOT LOOK GOOD IN THE FIFTY SHADES WORLD.
-FINALLY, THE GREYSESSED WILL SHOW UP TO THE MOVIE, EQUIPPED WITH MASQUERADE MASK, SILVER TIE AROUND HER NECK, HANDCUFFS ON HER WRISTS, AND WAVING HER CHARLIE TANGO BALLOON LIKE SHE’S IN THE MACY’S DAY PARADE. SHE WILL BREATHE AND REALIZE SHE WILL LIVE THROUGH THE VERY FIRST MOMENT THE NEW CHRISTIAN SHOWS UP ON THE BIG IMAX SCREEN. SHE WILL GET JUST AS HORNY WITH THE NEW CHRISTIAN IN THE KINKY FUCKERY SCENES, AND SHE WILL SAY A LITTLE PRAYER AND SEND A LITTLE LOVE TO E L JAMES FOR WRITING SOME KINKY, KICK ASS BOOKS!!
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UNFORTUNATE CIRCUMSTANCES:
BREAK-UPIn the event of an unforeseen breakup, due to the GREYsessed realizing her Rejected Christian is in fact not her Christian after all, she shall keep all intimate secrets to herself. Tweeting and Facebooking the details of their relationship is condoned.
**BREAK UP CLAUSE***
if GREYsessed finds out that RC (Rejected Christian) has cheated on her, or done something to embarrass, humiliate, or question the GREYsessed’s reputation, then she has the right to dump him like yesterday’s trash. This includes rumors of STD’s, erectile dysfunction, stuffed animal collection, skinny jean obsession, doesn’t wash his hands after going to the bathroom, overheard making a remark about “Flow” being in town, along with rolling of the eyes. If any of this occurs, then GREYsessed has permission to say “Laters, baby,” then tweet the shit out of it. With pictures.
**MY CHRISTIAN WAS PICKED CLAUSE**
In the event that the GREYsessed’s Christian was indeed cast for the movie, the agreement is obviously null and void. And she can go suck it. Boasting not acceptable. Being gracious and thanking the Fifty Shades casting gods for all your prayers being answered is.
By signing below, you agree to all the rules as laid out in this agreement, effective immediately following casting announcement. This guarantees that your GREYsessed card will not be taken away, as long as none of the above rules are broken. This agreement also means that the signing parties will do their best to uphold the Fifty Shades reputation, and not make us look like crazy bitches by performing one of the hard limites stated above.
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Print your name
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Sign your name
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Date
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